My traumatic evening...

So I am only sharing this story so know one else has to go thru this horrible trauma that I was forced to endure yesterday evening...so last night I went to Albertsons and bought some groceries for dinner.  Mostly I just wanted a pie crust so I could make Yummy Mulberry Pie, which is featured on a post from last night in case you missed the beauty of my home baked yumminess!!! I opened up the hatchback so I could unload the groceries into the back of the car when all of the sudden I had this horrible pain across the front of my head.  It was caused by the hatchback crashing down on the bridge of my forehead because the hydraulics had worn out, apparently the male adult who usually drives this wonderful car failed to tell me the hydraulics were going bad and it didn't work right any more.  But this isn't the lesson I wanted to share with you...that was just dumb luck.  While on my shopping adventure I purchased a Monster Energy drink, well not because I do this on a regular basis but because I have been sleeping 11 hours at night and I really needed to get some things put away and organized.  Oh sorry I am rambling again...back to the story.  Because I have never purchased this kind of drink before I didn't realize it was carbonated.  Soooooooo, I decided that once I was settled into my seat comfortably, seat belt on for safety (cause the candy apple red Firebird does have a Corvette engine...and I have been known to take corners way to fast, at times) I decided that I wanted to make sure that all of the little energy molecules were well mixed together.  So a little shake here and a little shake their for lots of added energy thru the entire enjoyment of the drink! As my little fingers twisted and turned the black cap of my highly anticipated rush of liquid energy, I was immediately showered with this highly carbonated, red, sticky sugary fluid! It was dripping from the roof top of my car, it was puddling in the leather seat beside me and pooling in the cracks and crevices of the floorboard.  My beautiful cream silk pants were now soaked in a red, sugary, smelly liquid that I am quite sure a hummingbird would turn his beak up too!  I immediately started to look around my car for something absorbent to clean up this mess, all I could find was some used napkins from Mcdonalds that were previously used to clean up the Tartar Sauce from my overly soaked and soggy filet-o-fish meal that I had secretly purchased the night before.   There was also one piece of tissue paper that was used to pack a birthday gift bag two days prior and one tampon in the glove box, which was perfect to absorb the sticky fluid that had puddled in the place where the seat was bolted to the floor.  Then to top it all off, the guy in the truck next to me was laughing hysterically!  Can you believe it??? I saw him reach to the floor for something and the next thing I knew I started crying!  But not because I am a cry baby or anything, or because I had red fluid dripping from my eyebrows, or because he had just been witness to the events that had just unfolded. ...because it is that time of the month when my emotions are controlled by the negative energy of the Universe!  This poor man who had a box of wet wipes at the ready just handed them to me and said, "it's seems to me that you are just having one of those kind of days!"  I eagerly took his token of good gesture and tried to clean myself up as best as possible, the baby wipes were perfect as apparently I had left over tartar sauce smeared across my forehead and stuck between the strands of my hair.  I am sure I was quite the site to take in.  I rattled off something like "thank you, how nice is it that you just happened to park next to me when I lost all common sense and decided to shake a carbonated drink in my car and then open it!" He just smiled and said I could keep the box and then galloped away on his beautiful shiny black stallion!  So after a few moments of sulking I noticed that there was still a few drinks left of my liquid energy so as to not waste it I gulped the remainder down and continued to clean up the mess the best I could. Then I put the candy apple red Firebird into second  gear, revved up the engine and peeled out of Albertson's on two wheels!  Where a nice black shiny black City of Phoenix police car awaited to reprimand me on my unsafe driving practices.  Of course I hold an associates degree in "talking my way out of tickets 101" so I wasn't to worried. I made sure that during the 10 minutes I held his attention that I described my last 2 hours to him with all of the describing verbs and adjectives that I could inject into my pleading paragraphs.  I wanted to paint the most pathetic picture I could to him, with the hopes of begging for mercy and not ruining my perfect driving record and burdening me with the expense of driving school and the loss of time at work.  After all I am flat broke and have 6 children to raise.  I knew when he raised his left eyebrow and turned the corner of his mouth up slightly that I just escaped a donation to the City of Phoenix.  So to Officer Jake, thank you for not writing me a ticket.  So if you have learned one thing from my story, I hope it was that keeping a stray tampon in your glovebox can come in handy!!!